Clandestine

I might falling, but I haven't get to the ground yet.

I'm still in the process. It makes me nervous.
Because I know, no matter what I do,

My heart would break in the end.

It's a stage of having a crush, isn't it?
Or, worse, stage of falling in love?

I guess I'm on the second option.

F-A-L-L-I-N-G in love.

I'm so close to the ground right now. If you might want to know.

I feel traumatized about any romantic feelings.

I never trust myself to anyone in this damaged world.

But my idiotic heart runs to you.

Damn. Fuck this feelings.

I hate it when the sun goes down and the night starts to lurking me with sadness.

I hate spending my nights alone. I hate spending my nights with my dumb thoughts.

I hate knowing you're spending your nights with somebody else.

I hate knowing that I always think about someone who clearly never see me.

I hate being your ghost. I want you to know that I'm here, I'm real.

Well, you might like somebody else and I'm just somebody that you never look for.

I understand the truth that I'm the opposite of everything you ever wish.

I know exactly you adore everything that I have to live without.

But, have you ever, just once, randomly thinking about me?

Because I do that all the time.

When we're on the same room, nothing can makes me look away from you.

When we weren't together, I try my hardest not to take my phone and catch you up.

And I supposed to win an Emmy for the best actrees,

Because you have no idea how I control my heart, my face, my behavior when you're near.

And also how I keep everything I have for you as a secret.